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GraceFilled Community
The GraceFilled Community Podcast is a place where faith, connection, and community come together. We explore meaningful conversations with guests who share their unique insights, experiences, and stories to inspire and empower others. Each episode offers listeners practical wisdom for living out their faith, creating belonging, and building community. Whether you're looking for spiritual growth or ways to connect deeper with those around you, the GraceFilled Community Podcast provides valuable content that enriches both your personal and spiritual journey.
GraceFilled Community
Embracing Inner Beauty and Authenticity: Heather Reddick's Path of Service and Community Connection
How do we embrace our inner beauty in a world where humility and authenticity often clash? Join us as we sit down with Heather Reddick, a pillar of our community, and explore her incredible journey from Michigan to Texas, where her passion for music ministry and education led her to become a guiding force in both entrepreneurial and church settings. Heather shares her insights into the delicate balance of personal and professional life, offering a heartwarming perspective on serving others through her God-given gifts.
Heather and I navigate the complexities of true versus false humility, discussing how accepting compliments can be a form of honoring our creator. Through candid conversations and biblical references, we explore the importance of genuine connections, especially in an age dominated by digital communication. From family dynamics to the vibrant community practices of Jesus and the Apostle Paul, this episode reinforces the significance of face-to-face interactions while acknowledging the role of technology in modern relationships.
We also embark on a deep dive into heart-centered living and its impact on relationships, spiritual practices, and even wedding planning. Heather opens up about her mission to serve brides with compassion through her business, Life Events. Whether discussing teaching children respectful communication or encouraging community engagement through the principles of the Book of Acts, this episode is a treasure trove of wisdom, inviting you to foster deeper connections and live with intention.
My name is Nicole Cater, your host, founder and servant leader of Graceville Community. I want to thank you for tuning in to Graceville Community Podcast. This is a safe space, a place in which we just share stories of how God has touched individuals' lives all across the world and how they are now impacting the kingdom of God. Thank you for tuning in. Blessings to you. Hey there, grace Field podcast listeners.
Speaker 1:I am so excited, truly deep down excited, for our podcast and our session today. First, I want to thank you, as always, for tuning in to Gracefield Community. We are all about carrying each other's burdens and sharing love amongst each other, as well as our number one thing is discipling as we get closer and closer to Jesus Christ. So, as you're tuning in today, I have a near and dear friend that I'm excited for the conversation. This is going to be so much fun, y'all so much fun. I'm going to be so much fun, y'all so much fun.
Speaker 1:I'm going to tell you a little bit about her. So she is a loving wife celebrating 14 years this year. She is a firm mama, but the greatest thing that I love is that she has an amazing heart. You know, listeners, I'm all about servanthood, leadership. I'm all about how you treat people and I have seen her day in and day out love individuals. She has amazing heart. Her husband is so much fun. He happens to serve alongside my husband at our church in our live productions, and she is a group leader so she teaches people, disciple people. I mean all the things, guys. I could keep going and going and going, but let me pause so we can get into it. Help me welcome Heather Reddick.
Speaker 2:Thank you. Such a great intro, I love it. Thank you. That's a great intro, I love it, thank you.
Speaker 1:Oh, it is my pleasure. I'm so excited to have this conversation I mean kind of like we do over coffee or so forth, but I'm just excited that we have a chance, and it's a scheduled opportunity, to do this today.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, and to share with other people. Hopefully, and don't mess it up, there's no mess ups, because we're just being authentic, so messy is good.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah. So I know I gave an intro, but you know you may want to tell the listeners a little bit more detail, or just let's just start. Tell us about yourself, Y'all. Let know you may want to tell the listeners a little bit more detail, or just let's just start. Tell us about yourself, Y'all. Let me tell you we have no agenda. We are just talking life today. Ok, yes, yes.
Speaker 2:So I mean we could go into it, but I mean we'd be here forever. This podcast would probably be like three books, right. So let's just, let's just be easy. I'm originally.
Speaker 2:I was born and raised in Dearborn, michigan, and then raised in Canton, michigan, so about 30 minutes from Detroit. And then I came to Texas to go to school at Arlington Baptist College. I studied Bible and music ministry and then served at my church for 10 years previous to Gateway, and then I started a business about 10 years ago. So actually this September we'll be setting our anniversary birthday in September for 10 years. So I'm kind of excited and nervous and all things about that. It's like having a child, I've heard like starting a business is like having a child and realizing that you have to let God take care of it, even though it's in the secular world. You know, I didn't. Actually I haven't. Well, I'm still trying to pursue music ministry at Gateway, but we know how that is. It's a lot I do. I do serve on at the Gateway Performing Arts, so I still use my music ministry that way and stuff. But I know everybody wants to serve on platform. So but you know when, whenever God says okay, okay, come on in, then I'm ready.
Speaker 1:so oh yeah oh yes I love it okay, so interesting though.
Speaker 2:Um, so you went to arlington bible college yeah, baptist baptist college, it's now called arlington baptist university awesome. They've extended their programs to other things and stuff like that, but it was mainly ministry focused. So pastors, music ministers, youth ministers would go through that, and then I was probably one of a few women that actually did the ministry part of the music. Most of them did music education yes which I did.
Speaker 2:I actually taught music education at Fort Worth ISD for three years and then taught private music and private schools at Fellowship Academy in Kinnendale for a couple years. So I mean I have a teaching well, had a teaching certificate. I don't have one now, but yeah, I mean I loved, I learned a lot in teaching. Teaching is brutal and good all at the same time, like it was. It was hard, I'm not gonna, i'm'm not gonna lie, but it definitely woke you up to a lot more responsibilities. And then it woke you up to culture and how other families work. Like there's some families that just don't pour into their kids and then there's families that pour so much into their kids because they want so much, and that was beautiful to see and stuff. So, yeah, yes, yeah.
Speaker 2:I got all kinds of background.
Speaker 1:I know I'm like I'm loving it, so I'm learning something new right now, like yeah, you wouldn't know that by my group.
Speaker 2:I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding, we're so silly, okay, sorry oh well, I am with you.
Speaker 1:I totally understand and you brought up a great point. Entrepreneurship is like having a baby. It's this baby that you birth and then you're developing and grow and it has the pains, like I feel like it has the birth pains, it has the toddler pains, it has the like, adolescent like all right, and it also carries those rewards right.
Speaker 1:There's these like high moments of it and so, yes, I just want to acknowledge and celebrate you for 10 years, because that is a huge accomplishment. Being myself being in business for myself for 15 years, I know there are some crying nights, there are some. There was plenty of moments where it's like. I quit like I'm firing myself. We're done.
Speaker 2:Here's your pink slip. Oh, my goodness, I don't know why it. I mean I mean because I haven't experienced like actual childbirth myself and we can probably get into that another time, but I have heard that building it up, there is some kind of encouragement that you have to give into the business and stuff. And so, through all of this I want to tie this in biblically, because God has shown me management, and not just building a business, but building family, building your marriage, building relationships, building your church, building yourself, I mean the building relationship with him. There's so much to manage, there's so much to manage, and I think that I think that's why he gave us the Sabbath, because he knew we would have to manage all of these things.
Speaker 2:and he's like, okay, take a break and I'm like okay, I get that, I get that now. So like pouring into something, investing in something, not just financially, but the hours that you put into it, and then also the thoughts and the strategies and the creative things that you have to manage and put into building that, and then shaping it and then getting people on board with your vision and trying to say, okay, this is what I want to do. So if you're not excited about it, they're really not going to be excited. It's like presenting presenting your child. This is my kid.
Speaker 2:Right, I don't want to play with him, or thing where somebody is going to adopt him so that he can play with somebody. Oh my gosh, I don't know. Oh my gosh, I don't know.
Speaker 1:Oh no, I love it. That's so true. You know, one of the things that was the greatest, like, I've studied Sabbath over time, right, I grew up in ministry, grew up in the church, started ministry at a very young age, have experienced my young age, have experienced my definitely my own share of like church hurt, seeing all aspects of behind the scenes, right, and one thing that really stood out to me, that was said to me about Sabbath, was Sabbath is about the trusting relationship that God can carry it. And I was, like you know, I had heard and I had tried Sabbathing for so many years and was like I'm not getting this right.
Speaker 1:Like you know, who has time to rest, how does, how do you rest? Like you know, I felt like I'm wasting productivity, like all these thoughts I would have and I would struggle with Sabbath. I remember hearing that and thinking that's what it is. It's literally trusting that. God, you gave me six days and on that seventh day not only is this a gift from you that you're saying, hey, do something you enjoy, rest, like, take care of your own self, take care yourself, all aspects right spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically. Like, take this and trust me with the rest, oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:And so yes, when I talk to people that are struggling when it comes to sabbath, it's very interesting you mentioned the time because I also find that they struggle with both, like it tends to be that when they struggle with the tide, they also struggle with the Sabbath. Oh that's good. That aspect of like I got to control it and I'm not sure if you can take it Right.
Speaker 2:So good, yeah, yeah, because I mean I know that. Okay. So I love giving. I love presents. Christmas is my favorite holiday. My birthday, I love. I would love to give people presents on my birthday and I like receiving them. I'm not, I'm not gonna lie I love receiving them, but I would rather give.
Speaker 2:However, there was a point in my life that I had a hard time receiving. When people gave to me, I felt unworthy. I felt like my identity like didn't deserve this and stuff, and a lot of that came from stuff that was taught to me that was untrue, not not by a particular person, but by particular people that didn't heal, that haven't, that didn't get the moment to heal for themselves and to actually learn. God is love, he's so love he I mean, his name is love that if you don't know God, you don't know love. It's like they're one in the same.
Speaker 2:And so when you're pushing his judgments and you're pushing his, the fear of God and all of this other stuff, you're only getting part of who he is. You're missing the main part and stuff of of who he is and stuff. And so when you're learning about resting, I don't deserve rest. When you're learning about tithing, I don't deserve the 90 percent. You know, all of that other stuff just comes in and to play in it and it fight. It's almost like it's fighting each other when you're when you're doing all that stuff. So, oh gosh, that is so, so, so good. I'm going to write that down. Yeah, when you like, sabbath and tithe go together, so true.
Speaker 1:Yes, you know. Something you said actually brings me to just my own personal like growth that I had to walk through is even how I looked at what it was to be humble, right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Like you said not that one specific person taught me, but just over the years, right, like watching people, I'm like, ooh, they're really prideful, like I don't want to be that, right. And then watching people that I'm like, oh, they're so humble Like they don't even think that they can go to cheesecake factory today. Right, like the problem, like you know, oh, I had cheesecake factory. Oh, there's people with no food. I'm like, oh, do I should? I feel bad that I got to eat out? Right, yeah.
Speaker 2:And so.
Speaker 1:I I had a struggle balancing like what true humility was, and I think that I got into a place of what we would call like false humility, right Of like okay, almost like trying to portray that there's this level of humbleness or humility, because I don't want someone to kind of see me as prideful Right.
Speaker 1:So it's again another aspect of trying to control right, like I'm trying to control a narrative that somebody else sees, and I think that happens so often and I'm just going to like I'm going to jump into a topic of church, right, okay.
Speaker 2:Come on Church and community.
Speaker 1:Here we go, but I think that happens within church and community and I'm so excited that the conversation is coming out more and more of being our authentic self, right like not hiding, not having the pretense, but really saying like, hey, like, these are my struggles no, this is not my struggle, but this is my struggle and I need community in this and I don't need to hide from it, right right because.
Speaker 1:I think the false humility which I would say is when someone pretends to be one way, so they pretend to be humble, but they're actually acting out of an ego Cause, even if you have false humility like at that point in time I was about like trying to protect my ego still, right, yeah, yeah, so it really wasn't.
Speaker 1:And it turns into pride, and it turns into pride and then you act from places of it, Right. So then you start to be like you know excessively, like putting yourself down, deflecting praise, like someone says thank you, and then you're like, oh, I just got this from the dollar store. No, just say thank you Like it was a compliment Except yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 2:I still struggle with that too, and even with my husband so he'll. He'll tell me how beautiful I am. And even with my husband, so he'll tell me how beautiful I am. I mean, come on y'all Right now. But yes, I am accepting that he sees me as beautiful and stuff. So I have to see myself that way too. And I am so thankful that I have a husband that speaks life into me and speaks beauty into me too, because it actually does something to my soul when he says those things. That's the same thing with the father, when we start reading things about how he thinks of us, how how we we are, who we are in him.
Speaker 2:And I think sometimes humility is so that we can keep ourselves from falling. I think it's okay to fall. I think God has already said I sent my son because I knew you were going to fall and this was in the past. So he's already looking at my future and your future and everybody else's future and saying, okay, I knew you're going to do that. It's okay, you can come back to me because I'm available. You're that prodigal daughter. I'm here with my arms open wide. I'm going to actually run to the gate and come get you, you know that kind of thing and that is so foreign sometimes to our human viewing, physical life mindset. We can't get it out of our head that somebody would actually love us, even when we're yucky.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, you know, um, there are times where, like you know how you go into a study and you're like I'm not going to lie y'all, so I'm just going to say it. Sometimes I choose the Bible study Cause I'm like this one's going to be easy, be easy, right, five days. Yeah, you know, we'll do this one.
Speaker 1:This will be easy, fly through this study, right, yeah, and then it's like those are the ones I have learned to stop saying that, because those are the ones where I'm like oh, we got a lot to work on, huh that's a little harsh.
Speaker 2:Well, it's five days. I gotta fit all this in five days. Yeah, those tend to be the hardest ones.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yes and so I remember I had chose this study. I'm like this is gonna be easy. You know, this is. It's almost like I'm gonna check the list with this one, right, yeah, yeah. And in this study it was um, a study on identity, where I'm like, okay, cool, yep, you know. You know, you think you've arrived in a certain area quickly learn, humble yourself, you have not arrived, right.
Speaker 1:And so it was our identity. And one of the things that said was that and we go back to this whole aspect again about trusting God, right, that when we cannot accept a compliment that is relative to our creation so even if it's like, hey, you're beautiful, hey, you're kind, hey, you are very patient Like when we don't accept that compliment because we're thinking about the times that maybe we're like I didn't feel beautiful, I've gained 20 pounds, like, or you know, like I didn't, I wasn't very patient with my kids. You're seeing me patient right now. Right, yeah, when I'm not accepting that, I'm essentially not accepting God and his creation, because I am his creation and he created those things in me and those things are good and he created those things in me and those things are good.
Speaker 1:And he called them good, he called them lovely, right, and he tells me to speak unto those things. And so when I denied it, it was me denying even his goodness.
Speaker 2:And I remember doing that study of like man like oh, I just won in five days just one in five days oh, man, yeah, and then it gets you oh, dang it, and you think about it too that he made us in our life, that he made us in his likeness, and so if we're saying we're not beautiful, we're saying he's not beautiful. Nicole, nicole, I only came on here for a second you know how I say it.
Speaker 1:all the time I'm like every time I have a speaking engagement, I'm going to teach a class or something. It's like you dive into it. And then I'm like this was for me. Now I got to come up here and teach what I'm working through now, because now this was for me.
Speaker 2:Oh, man, yeah Dang it.
Speaker 1:Oh sorry, that's probably a bad way oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:That's the goodness, but I think that's the great part of community, right, yeah, because even like right now and having that conversation, like there are things that you and I are like oh yeah, we got to work on that, or oh yeah, this cause we haven't arrived. I say it all the time, from glory to glory to glory, until that day that we are in the heavenly place with the father, and so that's the benefit of community. Right, like calling those things, speaking truth and love, being able to call those things in love and be with that person. Right, be present to walk with them through the valleys and the mountaintop.
Speaker 2:Right, yes, yes, yeah, and knowing that sometimes there's conversations that need to be had between that person and then sometimes there's just sitting, let's just chat, let's just get it all out, what's going on with you, I mean I appreciate you in that because you just, I mean, when you call us out and say, hey, let's come and have some coffee, let's just chat, it's just so relieving and I love that. I love about you and that you, you want to get that, you know environment with people and it is such community. There is so much community to that and I think we've forgotten that. I mean, I, I don't want to put down technology because we're using technology, right, right, but um, I, I think technology has one of two things it has allowed us to be more open in our conversation, but it hasn't allowed us to benefit the reciprocal exchange from face-to-face exchanges and stuff and a lot of that I think has to do with pride too. And my point like if I'm going to say something to somebody, I really don't want them to say something negative. I really want them to just hear me out and just kind of listen, and not everybody's like that.
Speaker 2:Some people are like well, girl, let me tell you what to do and I'm like I don't want you to tell me what to do and I'm not brave enough to say please don't. And I'm not brave enough to say please don't, right, you know. But at the same time I sometimes I need to hear it. I sometimes I'm being stubborn and I don't want to hear what the other person is saying. So I grew up with three sisters and very, very opinionated. I love them so much, but they all have their opinions of and we all grew up completely different. All four of us like totally different lifestyles, but we love each other, we love hanging out with each other and they will share their viewpoints of how things should and shouldn't be.
Speaker 2:And sometimes I'm like you didn't have to, you really didn't, I mean, but I love them just the same. I know that, I know they mean well, I know they want the best for me, and so that's what I walk away with, like Facebook posts and things like that. That's where we're missing that disconnect, because we don't know the person. I mean, we've connected with them via internet but we haven't really experienced who they are, because I can't see your face and I can't hear your tone and I don't, I don't know if you honestly mean, well, you know, know, I mean you come back every week to add a comment here, but are you really invested in my life, you know full time and stuff, or are you just you need something to do because you're bored? Yeah, no, I'm not dissing technology, because I use it. I use it all the time.
Speaker 1:I mean, I tell people, even when it comes to AI, I'm like I have a love hate relationship, right, because I use AI. But I'm also like, is it taking away even the critical thinking aspect, the ability to go research? I remember as a kid when I would say what does this word mean? My mom would say go get a dictionary. And I would have to go get the big Merriam-Webster and figure out what does this word mean?
Speaker 1:right, and I find myself like as a millennial, now a parent telling them go Google. And it's like I also don't want to turn them to Google because who knows what's going to pop up, right. Right, but that is their modern day dictionary, right, yeah, yeah, but it's funny how you mentioned, like, the ability to view and see each other and see, like you know, facial expressions. My face will always tell. I do not have the type of face that finds what I'm thinking right.
Speaker 1:So sorry, I can be in conversation's so funny, especially my husband, because I can be in conversation or not even say anything yet and he's looking. He's like what does that mean? And I'm like what do you mean? What does that mean? He's like your face tells it all. Like, oh, I'm really trying to work on that, like, but I just real quickly was like you know what, and this is my love, hey, yeah, so I real quickly typed in. I'm like what are the statistics on body language? Right, because I know there's statistics, but I don't know them offhand. So here they are. But it stated that like um per, and I can't even pronounce this guy's name. Albert Merherbian probably said that. Totally wrong y'all.
Speaker 1:So if you're listening, yes, I butchered it, if you know how to say it, then please send us a recording yeah, you know it's m-e-h-r-a-b-i-a-n but according to Albert, this person's research, it said that seven percent of meaning is conveyed through words Only 7% you did not 7% through our words. Then 38% is conveyed through voice. So if we think, if we're on social media, if we're texting all the time, only 7% of our meeting is what's being conveyed.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 1:Then if we're doing, let's say we're doing the audio recording, then we get like the 7% plus the 38%, but that still is not even 50, right, we are so low. 55% is communicated through body language. Wow, wow, wow, wow. As to your very point, like we have pulled away from aspects community that was originally created. Even when I think about jesus, right, he gave us so many examples of community. He gathered their disciples I love this part which I refer to often. He broke bread, like he shared meals. Yeah, even taught in parables. That was relative to the importance of community, of illustrating, like, how people work together.
Speaker 1:He served others, he prayed together, right, yeah, he gave us the example of what we should be doing in community. And although we have, yes, all this modern day, and y'all hear me out, because what we should be doing in community and although we have, yes, all this modern day, and y'all hear me out, because what we do here at Graceville Community is we work with churches, we work with individuals, we do digital marketing. So I'm not like anti this, like y'all, this is what we do, right? We help churches know how to outreach.
Speaker 2:Yes, so good.
Speaker 1:We help business owners, like outreach, using digital marketing, so I I often refer to like Paul wrote letters because that's what Paul had in that time. We do social posts right, that's what we have, yet it doesn't remove our requirement to come together as community.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, oh my gosh, I'm just thinking about all of the like, every single scripture piece that we have and like this this is only seven percent of what god's intentions were like if we were only there. But then he gives us the holy spirit, and so we're still feeling like we're just getting. We're just getting the half of it, like not even a half a portion of all that he has in store for us, right?
Speaker 1:so good, right, hey, let's take a quick break to tell you about grace filled community grace filled community is an organization that focuses on the primary principles of the Church of Acts, centered around building communities that impact the kingdom of God. We do this through three core extensions. One, gracefield Church Network, where we empower churches and nonprofits for God's success and growth. We offer tailored growth strategies rooted in biblical principles that will help you expand your reach and impact your communities. Just like the early church, we focus not on attendance and numbers, but on discipleship, providing leadership teachings and trainings to today's ministry leaders.
Speaker 1:Our second extension is Project of the Grace Field, where we provide biblical counseling, mentorship workshops and events that are dedicated to encouraging individuals to live a life filled with grace and purpose, rooted in the understanding that all have fallen short and are a working project. Let us help the individuals in your community grow as they walk with God and experience the fullness of his love. Our third extension is grace-filled business. Grace-filled business is here to help small faith-based business owners develop their business in a way that honors God, that brings increase and allows them to pour back into his kingdom, through marketplace ministry and financing his kingdom. We do this through our 15 years of experience of virtual administrative work, digital marketing, business development and consulting.
Speaker 2:Welcome back digital marketing business development and consulting.
Speaker 1:Welcome back, which is, I think, why my heart really is and, um, you've had time, like you know me intimately, right but my heart really is for community. Yeah, I've been in space throughout my experiences, right, which I want to transition in a moment and, like, let me share some of your experiences where you've seen God in the midst. But, you know, I sit and I think about, like, some of my greatest times where I was depressed, where I wanted to take my life, where I attempted to, where, like, I was just in this state and it was loneliness, it was a lack of community around me, and not that there wasn't people, but was there true intimacy? Was I being vulnerable enough to share? Like this is what I'm going through, or did? Was I at the time? Was I in a church where I had to be in this pretense to make it seem like everything's okay?
Speaker 1:or could I be vulnerable and be received well in just that? I'm struggling and I'm not okay. So good, and that's why it's so important to have community and have those people around you that can sit, be present. No, we don't have to have the answers to it, all right. Right, but even just the ability to be present.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. Or just sitting and looking up the answers together yes, like finding the answers together, like do you want to research with me? I love studying the Bible. It's one of my favorite things ever. And I actually came across the word fear and there's two words for fear in the Greek language and so, like, when you're using the word, when you're reading the words in scripture and stuff like that, you have to understand that there's double meaning sometimes to the word that we transliterated into this word that they gave to us and stuff. So. So, to give a little background, I, I too, had an experience where I tried to take my life and, believe it or not, I was at school, I was at college Bible college of all places, bible college of all places and to not feel that intimacy, um, they didn't know what to do, and that's not a shame on them, it's why, why have it?
Speaker 2:It's really not even a shame at all. It's basically they just weren't taught either, and so it's a continual thing, and I knew I had to find something different. I knew that something different was more was out there, and so I asked the hard questions and I asked why are we doing this? What is the purpose for this, and I tend to do that a lot. I do that to my husband and I know I get on his nerves. I what is the intent behind why we do what we do? And I think that's where God is. It's not that he wants our obedience, it's that he wants our heart in the obedience. It's the intention behind everything. Like, what is the purpose of you saying yes? I mean yeah, I get it. I have all these benefits for you. I do want, but I do, I do want this, I want relationship, I want to dive into that.
Speaker 2:And so when I was going through that period at my school, it really was a point where I just couldn't find that in people. I didn't find that close community that somebody sit with me for a long period of time are you, are you there with me? This like through this whole thing I I had a hard time with people. People were afraid to come and talk to me after afterwards to ask you know, even to ask are you OK? You know it was few and far between and I know that they wanted to, but they just didn't know how. And so I think that's where we're lacking in churches period, no-transcript.
Speaker 2:Be, I actually had a friend. She said, heather, something that they would do is if they wanted you to come over for dinner it wasn't just two hours and then you're gone, kind of thing. It was let's sit and chat first and then we'll have dinner, and then let's sit and chat some more. And the pace of everything was so slow, so what we would be like snail's pace. I can't do this. It's too, it's too slow. And uh, she would be great to talk to.
Speaker 2:I should get her to come on here yes but yeah, she's, she's amazing and um, but she, she just said the pace of everything was just chill, like you didn't. You didn't have to pretend there was no dress up, you didn't have to make yourself all something. You just could come as you are, how you were in that moment at that time, and just be. And I'm like that is so foreign here. We don't know what that looks like. And every single time we do that we get to the place of rest where we think we can rest. We feel guilty, we literally.
Speaker 2:I just just yesterday, sam and I took a day off. He actually wound up working because he felt guilty, but the whole thing was it was just supposed to be a day off and he felt so guilty for doing that because we're so used to going and going and going and I just did a full circle with Sam. Yes, I tied that all back in there, but just to be I. And I think that's where we're scared, because we don't know what we're supposed to be doing in that beat and that resting moment, in that, in that point. And I think that's where I realized at that point in my life that people just didn't know what to do. They don't know what to do. They can give examples and suggestions and even Bible verses to help you through things, but they just didn't know. They don't know and they're afraid to tell you because they don't want to tell you wrong or they don't want to feel like they're arrogant or they want to be humble and all these other things.
Speaker 1:So I get it people, we're all, we're all there, we're all still learning and I think we're always going to keep learning yeah, no, definitely, you know you bring up such a good point, um, when I had my experience, very similar, um, I was not at bible college but I was very active in a church, right, um, when I say very active, like Isaiah and I were on the pastoral team in that church. Well and um, you know, it was one of my most depressing times and I remember, like to the point of what she said, the individuals around us was not trained, they were not taught, they didn't know what to do. And so, because I didn't come with the like expectation of the normal Nicole, happy, jolly, like I got all the positivity, like I'm your backup girl, right, that was not there, I couldn't seem to pull it out of me, right, and so they just, they didn't know what to do. So then it became an avoidance, right, um, which our marriage group right now is in the series where we just started.
Speaker 1:How we love, I love this study okay it is like my third time around with it. I absolutely love how we love, but one of the things that it the main thing that it dives into is like the attachment theory of how we were created to be attached to our parents, right, like that's how God created. For a certain period of time, you're attached to your parents and with that attachment theory, like you learn in an early on age, like I safe here, am I protected here? Yeah, I, you know, is this a good place? Or do I need to fend for myself? Right. And so in fending for ourselves, it looks like, okay, I need to avoid circumstances or I need to, um, be a people pleaser because I need to make sure that everything is good so that I don't cause a negative circumstance here. So we learn these like love styles that if we don't heal from, we'll carry through through, like relationships, and I think about that time, which is probably again why I can have so much grace and empathy towards people today, right?
Speaker 1:Because I think about that time and in that time I'm not gonna today, right Cause I think about that time and in that time I'm not. I'm not going to sit here and pretend like I had empathy or grace. I actually became angry. I became angry that, like I'm surrounded by people that I feel like I've done stuff for day in and day out. I feel like I've like sacrificed to the highest level. And now, when I'm in my deepest state, where I need community like no one's present, yeah, and so not understanding.
Speaker 1:At that time I was angry, like I was angry at them, and then I became angry at God too, right, um, and now, in a place of understanding, there's this that people, if we don't heal, if we're not taught, we run to those things that we did at early age, like we either avoid. So then people were just avoiding me, right, or, um, you know, if I'm not avoiding, then now I'm people pleasing. So now it's like, well, if she asked for anything, we're just going to give it to her, but we're just going to leave her alone until she asked for something, right, yeah? Well, in that state I didn't know what to ask for, right, yeah. And so I, I tell people, like, I remember, even when we, when we lost our, our child, and I literally to this day can picture, I literally to this day can picture, I remember the exact setup of the service. I literally can picture and tell you every person that was there On the opposite side.
Speaker 1:I can tell you every person that wasn't there, I can tell you every person that called and the people that didn't, especially after the fact like, again, my own self, where Isaiah and I not being taught, like I carried this anger towards people that really were sitting in a state of like I don't know what to do with you, like I don't have words to say I don't know what to do with your level of pain. I, you know, like I, they just didn't know what to do with your level of pain. I, you know, like I, they just didn't know what to do. But in my eyes, all I seen was you're not present.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm cutting you off, right, so I, like those relationships, that really was more, they were hurting for me, but just didn't know how to communicate and I didn't know how to communicate. Like I didn't know how to communicate. Like that I'm upset because I need you and I don't know how to tell you to be here, right and so, again, all of that, to your point of it's so important for us to teach these things, to teach these principles, especially when we're in spaces with the whole community, right and so, as I think of churches, which is one of the main reasons why it's graceful community. Like we go into churches and I do a lot of teaching and leadership development because even with like our leaders in churches, like there has to be a safe space for them too right because they're human.
Speaker 2:They're humans. Yes, yes, yes, they gotta do that too. Yeah, it doesn't stop just because they have that position.
Speaker 1:It just means that they have more to carry so yeah, yes, I have a question and it this I'm like wait I don't think I've ever had people on a podcast ask me a question.
Speaker 2:I love this, Okay. So how do you and this is a parenting question, because I'm not a parent but how do you allow your children in conversations when you're talking to adults? What is your approach?
Speaker 1:yes, yes. So, um, first thing I would say is that we have identified like in our home we have safe space. Literally it's called. Well, we changed it. We used to be called safe space and now we call it heart to heart as they got older.
Speaker 2:We took it from. Safe space is now you know that we're safe.
Speaker 1:And now we just want to have heart to hearts, right, nice, so we call it heart to heart now, but we established that. To where that? You knew that we're always going to be honest with you. You asked a question. We believe if you're asking the question, you're ready for the answer. Right, got it, got it. And so we had always been vocal, always gave them safe space, always even told them that, hey, whatever comes in this safe space, one you can trust that it's staying with us.
Speaker 1:I'm not calling my friend like girl. You know what this kid did? No, it's staying with us and there is no punishment within safe space. So, safe space, now we we are not removing consequences, and there's a big difference between what consequences and punishment is, and that's a whole nother thing, right, but there is no punishment. But there may be consequences, like if you come in safe space and says, hey, like this is what happened and I'm struggling, that well, some of consequences are we may have to change some boundaries to help you until you get to a place that you don't need. You know, yeah, I won't even say you don't need these boundaries, but you understand how to create them yourself, right?
Speaker 1:yeah um and I say all that to to your answer um, after doing that, what our communication was was hey, until we state that this individual is to be a safe space in which you can be openly communicative with, when we're in the presence of, like adult conversation, we're going to ask you to withhold from responses. Let us go first questions. Yeah, now we're asking you to withhold, not that we're never going to address them, we're asking you to withhold. And when we come together in just our family, all questions, all statements, all comments like you got jokes about it, we want to laugh about it. We can do that in our safe space, okay, and so that's and one of the things that we taught them about that, and as we still do it to this day, like there are times we come together we're like, okay, yes, that would have been an appropriate question, or hey, no, that would not have been appropriate.
Speaker 1:And so part of it is, you know, teaching them, and the reason why we do this is to teach them, like, how do you have appropriate communications? Because at some point, I mean, I think of myself like as a I almost said 30, I'm 40, not 30. As a 40 year old woman, I may be in the presence of conversation with women that are 70, right, and it almost is the same concept of like. There is a certain level of honor and respect that I'm going to give them because of the wisdom and age that they have earned, right. So I need to understand when it's appropriate, my responses or my questions, versus when they may not be appropriate. And that's essentially what we're teaching them over time is we're asking you to bring it to us so that we can navigate with you Like what is appropriate. I mean, you know my husband, he will openly tell you he can. He can be very sarcastic.
Speaker 1:So we have a child that can be very sarcastic and it can come off really funny and it could be like ha ha ha. Yeah, in certain settings like this is not okay, right, so we had to do that to like, okay, in that moment, what were you thinking in that moment? What would you have said? And then walk them through like, oh, I'm so glad you didn't say that this is what that could have come, or. And then walk them through like, ooh, I'm so glad you didn't say that this is what that could have come up, or like, hey, that would have been a great thing to say.
Speaker 1:And then I think the other part about that too is like it's also teaching them how to do relationships peer to peer. Yeah, so it's not just you know they need to see how we do relationships, how we manage communications, how you know they need to see how we do relationships, how we manage communications, how you know they've been in spaces where they're like we know you guys did not agree with what that person said. Okay, well, how did you see us handle it? Because it's teaching you how to handle your relationships peer to peer and relationships that you may have. People that you know biblically have earned the honor and respect for you to give them a certain type of communication as well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I asked that question because in a lot of what I grew up in was, you know, children's children. Conversations do not happen with adults, and so when you were a child, you went away to the, to your room and played, or down in the basement because we're in Michigan we played in the basement with kids that were like-minded, that were the same. However, my husband's growing up stage, he was welcome into adult conversation and they were allowed to talk about those things while children were present, and I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that there were godly conversations being had. They knew that these conversations, if we're going to talk about politics, we need to be godly about those politics. If we need to talk about, you know, certain things, we need to curb our you know what we're saying because there are children present. They didn't exclude the children, there was an inclusion in it, and so that is so foreign to me. So like there are things that I will not say to an adult but I'll say it to my peer, I'll say it to people that are younger than I am, or something like that. But then in a business setting, when you are the authority figure, that shifts because you can be older or younger than the people that you're working with or that are underneath you, and so you have to take that now responsibility on your shoulders to manage, to dictate, to delegate to those older people and be able to convey to them. Okay, I know that this is what you want to do, but in the vision and the structure of our business, this is what has to be done. I appreciate your insight and all the other stuff, and that has come with training. It's another type of management of communication and stuff like that too being respectful to the other person but, at the same time, knowing that you have to make. You're the one in charge to manage what that is, because it's going to affect you more so than it's going to affect everybody else.
Speaker 2:I and I feel like I didn't get that, like my mom, my mom and dad were pretty good with you know, be careful with what you're, what you're going to say to people, and don't talk like that and you call them yes, ma'am and no ma'am. Yes sir, no sir. Those those respectful things but I think they forgot to teach us. When you're in this situation and you're the younger person and they're doing wrong, you have the right to call them out on it, because this is what scripture is about. We're supposed to be strengthening and encouraging each other in this way and so that I I lack that sometimes. So when I come out to some people and I'm harsh forgive me, I'm still learning how to train or I just be quiet, I've just. If I'm sitting there, it's because I'm just trying to be safe. Oh my goodness.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh. Well, you know, I think one of the things, too, is is it runs through all communication right? There are key principles that should just happen because we're being to being right. One we need to recognize that we are all God's creation. Scripture doesn't say like, oh, you know, nicole and Heather was created in God's image, but Jennifer was not right. Right, because we were all created in his image. So we're all image bearers.
Speaker 1:Now, how we're displaying, through our actions, if the fruit of the spirit is coming out, now that's, you know, a different story. That's what needs to be observed. But as far as how we treat others like, we are image bearers. So one of the things that I've always, you know, taught our children is that you are speaking to someone that's an image bearer of God, yeah, so you need to be mindful, in whatever communication you give, right, that that is who you're speaking to, right, and the scripture says that we will be held accountable for every word. It doesn't say just the word when we're on a platform, just the word when we're on a podcast, like no, you're going to be accountable for every word. The word I gave to my husband, the word I gave to my kid, the word I gave to the cashier. You know every word, and in that there's a teaching component of how do I communicate, how do I use my words, how do I even have boundaries with my communication?
Speaker 2:How do I?
Speaker 1:create boundaries for the way you can communicate to me, right, yeah, and so I do think that, like you said, how Sam's family allowed him to be there for communications, I think that's one of the reasons why we don't mind their presence, but we don't allow response, right, because you're still developing, you're still understanding is this a space to give and what is an appropriate response? But I do want you present, like you said, to Sam's family, because I know that whatever conversations I'm a part of, they should be centered around God. So whatever we're talking about like you said, it could be politics they should be centered around God. So whatever we're talking about, like you said, it could be politics, it could be sports, it could be, you know, whatever it is that we're talking about, that my words should be words that are directed by and my foundation should be in living a God. So it's almost like when you're present, there's they're always teaching moments. Yeah, they're always teaching moments yeah.
Speaker 1:They're always teaching moments. I remember when one of our children was kind of going through a going from, like I guess we're in preteen to the teen state Right.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 1:I would say we probably had thank the Lord, cause I hear stories I'm like, oh, thank you Lord, right, but I'd say we had about two months where I was like, am I gonna make it?
Speaker 2:like I'm totally failing, like am I gonna make it.
Speaker 1:This is horrible. You know, um, and I remember you know I'm a big believer. I'm definitely like therapy and theology work hand in hand. I believe in counseling, I believe in doing it on a regular, not just when there's crisis, but that there's value in making sure that you have someone that you can talk things through. And so we did our family counseling and I remember the counselor was like okay, well, I think he just needs to be present with you guys and he needs to just be with his father more. Not that he wasn't present, not that he wasn't with him, but the key part that he said is he needs to observe how his father responds to circumstances and I was like that's the answer, like what right that was it?
Speaker 1:when I think about it, like, and we made that shift, it became and there was a realization that like, okay, when they're very young they need mom, right, like they need to feed them, I'm the nurturer, I'm the like consoler, so forth. Like it's becoming a shift where they now need the, the structure that comes with that, they now need some of the teachings, right, like some of.
Speaker 1:if I look at Proverbs, like you know, it starts off with like son, listen to my words, right, like, and so that's what the shift was needed. And they get that by observation. We know that, like, we can say all the words, but they're going to do what they see, and so even in that, but they're going to do what they see, and so even in that. That's why it's important to allow them to be a part of that conversation and when I say be a part, to be in a presence where they can hear, because they too are observing, they're observing.
Speaker 1:Can you speak in kindness? Can you speak in gentleness? Can you carry out the fruits of the spirit when, um, the conversation is challenging? You don't agree. You know, right, there's this aspect of repair, um, that needs to happen in relationships and they need to see that. That, like, if you do fall out of the fruits of the spirit and if you do say something that wasn't kind or gentle, do you have the ability to repair? Can you go back and apologize? Can you repair that relationship? Same for like parent to kid. I grew up in a home where, like, it wasn't a home where the parents apologized to the children, right, right, right. And I'm very big on that because that teaches the apology relationship Like listen, I know I'm not perfect Y'all. I think I'm a pretty good mama, but I'm not perfect y'all. I think I'm a pretty good mama, but I'm not perfect right right, right, I'm gonna mess up.
Speaker 1:I'm going to even like. You know, I, as much as I want to keep my word, like I may have told you, yeah, we can get ice cream Friday and I forgot about it Friday. And then next week you're like well, you told me ice cream, you didn't keep my word. Oh, my gosh, I didn't. I'm sorry. Yeah, there is something that comes with an apology and teaching them that relationships should carry apology and apology.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a healthy relationship and I think sometimes the parents refrain from apologizing because of that neutral ground because it gives ammunition to, I mean, no know, for mine it would have been nice for my parents to just say I'm sorry, you know sometimes, and stuff like that, just so that they can meet me halfway, like no way, okay, I get it, you're my, you're my parent, but you mess up, you don't make, you don't make good choices all the time, you know. Think, I think that's true for all authority, which is servant leadership. If you realize, you know your servitude comes first before your leadership and as you're serving others and stuff like that, it, it keeps you on that plane that, yes, you have authority, god has given you authority and a place to put all of that authority. But he wants you to remember where you came from, like as far as the cert, as far as serving others, and how you got there. You're, you're ultimately serving others, right, which is that whole servant leadership.
Speaker 2:And, I think, remembering that you're going to mess it up, that people mess up, make mistakes, and if we're not in that position right now in our church, that people make mistakes, yeah, you, and it's not going to ever be perfect. I want to find that perfect person. I just want god's man, and it's going to be. Paul wasn't perfect, peter wasn't perfect, right? Just it's not gonna happen. It's just not gonna happen. However, you have to be willing to say you're sorry. You have to be willing to say I messed up, I screwed up, I am so sorry, so yeah that could go on forever.
Speaker 1:The heart condition right like I mean if I um and oh gosh, I'm like time has. I mean if I um and oh gosh, I'm like time has flew by, but I know I'm like oh my gosh, I bring it all together. Like in each area that we talk about, like when I think about trusting God, when I think about relationships, when I think about the tide and the Sabbath and all of these components right, it all leads to the heart, All of these components right.
Speaker 1:It all leads to the heart. It all leads to improving our heart condition and it being centered out of our love for God. So good, because when the going gets tough which it does scripture has told us that when we follow Christ, there's suffering, right, yeah, so when the going gets tough, it is out of our love for him that we carry through the things that we should do, like it is in my love for him. I don't always, maybe, feel like having a gentle conversation with somebody that's not being so gentle to me, right?
Speaker 1:Or I don't always feel like apologizing, especially when you can't give me an apology back or I don't always feel like sacrificing.
Speaker 1:maybe a showing up for you and maybe I feel like, well, you didn't show up for me but, it's not even out of my basis of you, it's out of the heart of my love for God and recognizing that he does it for me day in and day out. Yep, so good. And so scripture says what more can I do but to be a living sacrifice? Yeah, and so I think that that's just the. I mean, I think that's the sum of it all, kind of like um. I think it's Paul that said, like you know, the sum of it all, kind of like um. I think it's paul that said, like you know, the sum of it all is to like love god and follow his commandments.
Speaker 2:right yeah, yeah, so so good, yes, so good, yes. How much longer can we go? I know like we totally have to do this again. I need 20 more minutes.
Speaker 1:Oh, my goodness. I mean I know we do it one-on-one at times, but we have totally got to do this again. I would love to have you come back on any other time. I know that you will probably not say anything, but I want to lead into it, guys, cause that's just how great Heather is. She has not told you what her business is, and I think it's important for you to know what her business is, because she does something that is phenomenal, and her heart and her servanthood attitude I mean, trust me, you want to know what she does and how she does it, because she does it from a servant heart. And I'll say this part if I was having a wedding which I'm planning to do our wedding celebration Heather is the go-to because of her heart, because of her heart going above and beyond. So I'm going to let you, because you know way more about all that you do. I'm like I know the component. But yes, please, please, take a moment and just tell us about what it is that you do, sure.
Speaker 2:So I am a wedding planner. I started 2015. I have actually been planning events my whole life. My parent, my mother, planned events. She was a project manager for the state of Michigan and everything that we ever did was an event, and so I have.
Speaker 2:I am very qualified, but I love it. I love putting together peace and chaos, and so my mission is to always make things easier for the bride. I've done other things like not just brides, I've done anniversaries and birthday parties and stuff too, but it's just to make things easier, and so I'll do the contacts for you, I'll do the phone calls, I'll find the places you know. You can come along with me. If you're that type of person, and if you're just that type of person that says, hey, you take it, I don't want it, I can do that too. So I'm all in. I'm wherever you need to do so.
Speaker 2:I research anything that you need wedding related and I help you plan that out. I'm very big on budgeting, staying to the structure piece, because that's typically our roadmap for the most part, and then I go on to design and talk about how you like getting into the details. Do you want this to be black or white? Do you want this to have. You know the floral or would you rather just you know straight lines and contemporary looks and things like that. So, yeah, I love, I love planning. I don't do all of the design. I usually have somebody coming in and doing the design for me, but I know who to look for, I know where to go and who to send you to.
Speaker 2:So, but, yeah, I'm a wedding planner. That's what I do, and it's called Life Events. Our website is lifeeventsdfwcom, and right now we are actually getting ready to have a wedding workshop at the end of February, on the 23rd. It's the beginning stages of planning. So I know a lot of you will be getting engaged February 14th, valentine's, and so this is a great time for you to do that. And then March 1st, we're having a styled shoot. It's called a live style shoot and basically you'll get to come and see it behind the scenes. So we do style shoots for our publications and things like that. So if we're posting stuff on wedding, uh, or on our weddings and things like that, this kind of helps, and it definitely helps people who don't have those pictures yet to get those things out there. Uh, it just shows you what we can do, and so it's kind of like a behind the scenes and you get to this venue and meet vendors and eat so you got me, I'm in like no, it's like.
Speaker 2:It's like a free cake tasting, like if you wanted to meet a baker. The baker comes out and she brings her food and stuff so you can taste what she makes. And then it's just like oh, I just hire you, okay, that's fine, so it's just done. Making. Oh, I just hire you, okay, that's fine, so it's just done. Making things easier, I'm all about efficiency so yes, ma'am. Yes. And that's at lifeeventsdfwcom. Sorry, I don't think I said that.
Speaker 1:Did I say that? Yes, thank you, we will. As always, listeners, you know I'm going to have it. It's going to be there in the show notes. We're going to plug in ways that you can stay connected with heather. Um, I am so grateful to you, friend, for coming so much for having me such a nice early morning. I know it's like cold outside and raining. I'm like it is a day that you kind of just want to cuddle up. But you came on so I did I did.
Speaker 2:Thank you thank you for having me. This was so fun, so good we could. We could go on forever.
Speaker 1:I know we could. I know we could. I'm like we can record like episode two to five to six. I know we will do more.
Speaker 1:Well, graceville listeners, as always, I want to thank you for taking time to tune into Graceville Community Podcast. Our overall goal is that you have been inspired through the gospel and the stories of individuals that have walked with Christ and have seen him be God, and so I hope that this message, and this time today with our podcast, has inspired you. As always. If you do not have community and you are looking for community, I want to encourage you to join our Facebook group, graceville Community. Connect with us. We also would like to get you connected to someone local, whether it's a church, whether it's a ministry, whether it's Facebook group. We provide weekly encouraging, inspiring content for you answer questions and give you community Love. Ya, thank you for tuning in to today's episode of Graceville Community Podcast. We would like to invite you to visit gracevillecommunitycom.
Speaker 1:Graceville Community is all about doing church the way Church of Acts did, using five main principles that we see in the Book of Acts Sharing resources, as believers pooled their possessions and resources to support those in need, as we see in Acts 2.44. Those in need, as we see in Acts 2.44. Through hospitality the early Christians practiced hospitality by opening their homes to others, as we see in Acts 2 and 46. By financial aid the church in Antioch sent financial aid to believers in Judea during a time of famine, as described in Acts 11 and 29. Prayer and encouragement they supported each other through prayer and encouragement, as we see in Acts 4 and 24. And finally, spiritual guidance the apostles and elders provided spiritual guidance and teaching to help strengthen and build the community, as we see in Acts 1530. I would like to encourage you. If any of those areas are areas in which you are in need or can contribute, please reach out to Graceville Community community. We are working together across the world with ministries and individuals alike to help bring back the Church of Acts.
