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GraceFilled Community
The GraceFilled Community Podcast is a place where faith, connection, and community come together. We explore meaningful conversations with guests who share their unique insights, experiences, and stories to inspire and empower others. Each episode offers listeners practical wisdom for living out their faith, creating belonging, and building community. Whether you're looking for spiritual growth or ways to connect deeper with those around you, the GraceFilled Community Podcast provides valuable content that enriches both your personal and spiritual journey.
GraceFilled Community
THE FIRST AID KIT - Embracing Identity and Faith: Bambi Lynn's Journey of Redemption and Healing
Bambi Lynn's journey is one of courage, faith, and self-discovery. She takes us through the ups and downs of grappling with the unique challenges her name brought into her life, leading to a pivotal moment on a beach where she confronted God. What she found was not just peace with her name but a profound understanding of her identity in the divine plan. Bambi's story is a transformative testament to the power of faith, redemption, and the courage to embrace one's true self, inviting listeners to reflect on their own journey toward finding purpose and meaning.
As we continue, Bambi reveals a life-altering encounter at 16 that forever changed her path, steering her towards faith and a deeper understanding of her worth. Her resilience shines through as she recounts overcoming societal invisibility to embrace her destined path, underscored by a fortuitous moment in a bookstore. Through her insights, Bambi empowers others, particularly women, to reject lies and embrace their true identity, further sharing how her experiences have equipped her to support others in their healing journeys.
The discussion unfolds with a heartfelt exploration of grace, vulnerability, and the strength found in community support systems. Initiatives like the Graceville Church Network and Grace-filled Business underscore the importance of biblical principles in personal growth and authentic faith experiences. By sharing powerful stories and scriptural insights, the episode underscores the transformative role of community and divine intervention in healing, reminding us of the profound impact faith can have in navigating life's challenges.
My name is Nicole Cater, your host, founder and servant leader of Graceville Community. I want to thank you for tuning in to Graceville Community Podcast. This is a safe space, a place in which we just share stories of how God has touched individuals' lives all across the world and how they are now impacting the kingdom of God. Thank you for tuning in. Blessings to you All right. Well, hello there, listeners of Graceville Community. I am beyond excited for our guest today. We have Ms Bambi Lynn, and we're going to talk way more about her name. Y'all, we had some laughter before we even started recording, and so I'm excited to get into it. But, Bambi, I just want to give you a heartfelt thank you for coming on Graceville community and being willing to just share, share, share, share.
Speaker 1:So I'm telling people a little bit about you.
Speaker 2:What do you want to know about me? I am really excited, you know, especially when conversations are just organic and we share, you know, from our heart, and we're not we're, you know, we're not putting ourselves on this, you know pretending because a lot of times, as Christians, we want to put the masks on and I think that the best thing for us as Christians are absolutely to take off, to take off those masks and let's be us and let's just be real. So I'm glad that we discussed that. This is the kind of conversation that we're going to have today. So what do you want to know about me?
Speaker 2:Okay, well, my real name is Bambi, and there's not too many of us in this world, and it took me like 32 years. When I was about 32 years old, I finally decided that it was time to have a conversation with God. Old, I finally, you know, decided that it was time to have a conversation with God and it was time to, like, sit down with him and be stern about how I felt, about my job, about my name. You know, when I was, I had looked up, you know, I had tried to find my name. Of course, I have a different name. It's not in any kind of license plate unless you have the Bambi the deer. No, it's not in any bookmark or anything like that.
Speaker 2:So I had all intentions to change my name to Janet. I had gone to the. I had gone to the courthouse, found out it costs about $800 to change your name. You just got to fill out a piece of paper and you got to pay them $800 and stand before a judge, so to speak. So I had all intentions of doing that, because my whole life I was bullied, my whole life I was taken advantage of and I took on the identity also of what people thought I was. You know, women looked at my name as Bambi the deer, the Disney. You know that, this Disney little character, you know the cute little eyes and you know she's so, just so cute, you know. But men took on men's name according to. For me, their identity of me was pole dancer, was exotic dancer, was somebody that shows up in the clubs, you know kind of thing.
Speaker 2:So you know, when I was younger and people were, and I had gone through a lot of trauma in my life, so I kind of like carried that characteristic, you know, when I was a young teenager, in the back seats of guys' cars, trying to find love in all the wrong places, and you know kind of thing, before I, you know, before I found Jesus.
Speaker 2:So that day I went to the beach, and where I always go whenever I need God to speak to me, I always go to the water. And there's this and there is this big rock that I would sit on, you know, and I would cry out to God in all different situations. Well, today, that day, I was crying out to God about my name, reminding him that he was the one that named me and called me forth from the foundations of time. And he called destiny, he called purpose into me, but he and he called forth my name. Our names have nothing to do with our parents unless you're when you think about Christianity, you know they just call forth what has already been planned from the foundations of time. So I reminded God of everything that he did wrong in naming me Bambi. I reminded him. You know why would he ever do that to a child?
Speaker 2:And to know that I had no identity and people picked on me and I and I felt like I was invisible. You know, people think with the name Bambi, you know that you're invincible, but I didn't know that at that time I was really invisible. I had husbands that never called me by name, you know, would always. You know, not introduce me, not introduce me that this is my wife, bambi, you know. So I told God that day that I had gone to the, I had gone to the courthouse. I had the paperwork, you know, I was going to change my name to Janet, had no idea why I wanted to change my name to Janet and I told God, I gave him an ultimatum. I said you know, god, you get one more chance. I'm going to go to the bookstore, I'm going to look, go and get all the books from the bookstore that have the name books and I'm going to find my name and if my name's not there, I'm going to the courthouse.
Speaker 2:You know, here I am, this brave 22 year old, giving God an ultimatum. I went to the bookstore, I laid all the books on the table and I wrote my name, bambi Lynn. And I wrote on a piece of paper and the first book my name wasn't in there. The meaning of my name wasn't in there. The second time I looked, my name was in there and I looked at my name and I looked down at my name Bambi Lynn and I realized at that very moment that the world had a design for my name. But God had another design for my name and my name put together means holy child.
Speaker 1:Wow, yeah, take that Wow.
Speaker 2:That my, at that very moment, here I see my name written down on a piece of paper and then I see God's name for me. You know, in that day that was a turning point in my life, that you know there was many turning points, but that was a big aha moment in my life because at that very moment, at that very moment, god gave me a new identity. You know, he brought me it's like he brought me to the mirror, so I can see the reflection of how he saw me.
Speaker 2:And he put a crown on my head and called me royalty.
Speaker 2:And he put a cape around me and said that I'm a superhero in my own life and that he called me by name. And every time that somebody called my name, they weren't calling prostitute, they weren't calling pole dancer, they were calling holy child, holy child. And I had to grab hold of that identity. I had to totally wipe away what the world said I was and who, who God said I was, you know. And so I walked out of that bookstore rejuvenated. I walked out of that bookstore clean. You know. I walked out of that bookstore with destiny and purpose. You know that he really did, from the foundations of time, call me forth. He called me Bambi Lynn. So people always ask about my name, you know, people want to know, you know what it is. And for God to give me that story, you know, for God to give me that life experience that you know, 30 years later, he was going to use that story for me to be able to share that God does know us from the foundations of time, that God does call us by name and he does give us a purpose and he does give me a destiny. And I just had to believe in that. I had to believe in the destiny, that how he called me forth and so that was a. Instead of now being, I'm starting to write a keynote speech. You know I have to because I'm going to. My goal is to go and speak out into, you know, platforms and empowering women, and I always called it healing through stories, and somebody said that can be your parentheses. But you need a keynote, you need something, and it is that I was once invisible, but now I'm invincible and here is my story. So that's my name.
Speaker 2:I am a mother of six adult children. I have 13 grandchildren. I know my oldest is 37 years old. She is my salvation baby. That is how I got saved.
Speaker 2:At 16 years old, I found myself on a bridge in our town ready to take my life, looked down in the water and said nobody's going to know that I'm missing, nobody's going to care that I'm here, people are going to take days to even try to find me. And I went to jump off the bridge and a police officer stopped me and he threw me into the backseat of the police car. I went to a psychiatric center and they went. They took me to an adult one first because they didn't know how old I was, and then they realized that I was only 16. And they went. They took me to an adult one first because they didn't know how old I was, and then they realized that I was only 16. And then they took me to a children's one, a teenage one, took some blood work, you know, did some physicals and things like that, and then the next day they called me into their office and they said Did you know that you were pregnant? And they said did you know that you were pregnant? And I said I had no idea. Wow, I had no idea. And they said you know, people like you don't have babies. We're going to give you some options. And I asked if I can go into my room.
Speaker 2:And when I went into my room, my whole childhood life I went to church on a church bus. You know I was a misfit. You know like there used to be church buses that came around the neighborhoods, you know, to pick up the scraggly kids that the parents were like oh, four hours without these little missing. Yes, you know, I was one of those kids, but I didn't think that Jesus was for me because I wasn't a family in the church, I didn't carry the family last name, I was just a misfit. So I knew who Jesus was and I knew, you know, all that time that I went to Sunday school. I just loved doing the Sunday schools and I loved sitting in the front of the church and listening to know who Jesus was. I even shared Jesus with people. I would tell them you know Jesus, you can come into Jesus' heart. But I just didn't think it was for me.
Speaker 2:But that day, that was my moment in time for God to pick up a broken girl and to set her free with salvation. I went into that room and I said God, if you truly are a God and if you truly save and you will bring me part of your family, I promise you, I will serve you, I will dedicate my life to serve you, all the days of my life. Just save me and my baby. And 28 days after, I was there for 28 days and there was a pastor that came and took me into his house, the police officer that threw me into the back of the car. He went to this pastor's house and said hey, we have Bambi, you know she's here. Blah, blah, blah. And the pastor said you know what, we'll take her, she can rent the room in our house and, and she can stay as long as she wants. So my daughter is a beautiful 37 year old woman today.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And wow, yeah, there's so much there. I want to pause for a moment Cause I'm like wow, just wow, there is so much. So you know the first thing and I just I have so much inside that I'm like glory hallelujah for this. The first thing is, you know, I love the fact how you talked about believing the lie, right? I mean, we find that we can do that so often and even if we look at how sin first came into play, right, it's this lie that something is not what God intended, that something is not what God already gave us. And so, even in the aspect with your name, I mean there's that component of just believing the lie, that my name is attached to this, when really I mean holy child. I know, oh, oh, talk about now Our listeners may go out we might get a whole bunch of holy childs in 2025. Like no.
Speaker 2:But you know your name is so important it is, but you know your name is so important. And if I can tell anybody, you know people ask me you know what were some things that you did to help heal the trauma. How, what did you? You know where did you go? And you know I don't have no magic potion. I don't have no magic. You know identity. I just knew it was.
Speaker 2:It was a struggle to get out of the pit. It was a struggle to get out of the pit. It was not easy to get out of the pit. It was not easy to not look at myself as a slave to myself and a slave to my trauma and a slave to my identity, you know.
Speaker 2:But when God comes in and you finally realize in your own life that you're sick and tired of being sick and tired, I didn't want to be known anymore by the little girl that was molested by her grandfather. I don't want to be known anymore with a girl that tried to commit suicide three different times. I didn't want to be the girl anymore that that found herself in back seats of cars and had no idea what love was. You know, I don't want to be known as the woman that went through domestic violence, was a victim of domestic violence and a husband that you know, that he struggled with infidelity. I don't want to be known by that anymore. That is, the scars that I wear on the back, yes, but that's not who I am. And it comes to a point when people say, you know, what are the step programs you have? What are the one, two, three step programs you have? I don't have one.
Speaker 2:All I know is that I was blind and now I see. Yes, all I know is that I was crippled, but now I walk. All I know is that the hem of Jesus' garment was there for me to grab.
Speaker 2:Right, there's no magic potion. There's no magic potion, there's no magic way of doing it. Yeah, I can tell people put index cards all around your house, you know, and plead the blood of Jesus. Make sure the music in your house is, you know, is that you have an act of prayer? Praise, I can say. Make sure you're marching around your house and make sure there's scriptures everywhere around your house. But ultimately you got to get rid of the lie right? Ultimately, it's about renewing your mind of who you are. And that's what, pete. There's no hidden, there's no like. There's just no way of trying to figure it out. There's no, there's no one. Two, three step program.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:And what I love about that.
Speaker 1:That's right. Do you want to be set free? What I love about that, too, is how you know I picked up on the fact, because I am a girl that being by the water it's the best time with the Lord. I'm like I can hear you clearly, I can see you. You know there's that song. I think it's in 1 billion ways or 1 million ways it might be, but where it says like I can see your love and your creation, I can see your hand and all the things that you created, right, and so when I'm by the water, I'm like, oh Lord, I can hear so clearly. But I also I pinpointed when you said that your suicide attempt was by a bridge and you were looking at the water. And I feel like that's how the Lord does, how great he is at redeeming even the perspective of a thing, because now you said water is the place that you go to. I run to the water and hear from him.
Speaker 2:Right, and you know, and the Bible tells us. You know, when the bible tells us, you know that be, you know, for he will lead us by the still waters and restore our soul. So when you, when you think about water, it's the restoring, you know, of our soul he takes. You know, I wrote both of my books. I took it, my, took a, I took my phone and I took an app that said notes on it and I would speak into my phone and write both of my books at the water and in Jekyll Island in in Brunswick, georgia. You know, I would sit and I write and I would write my story. You know, and I think about.
Speaker 2:You know, I tell this story and I think that it's such an amazing word picture that the oyster had no pearl inside of the oyster until the oyster went through something, until the oyster was attacked by parasites, until the oyster was attacked by hurricanes and the waves and the crushing and the sand trying to get in and the oyster tried to protect itself from all the elements that were going to destroy it.
Speaker 2:You know, look at our own lives. You know God got these elements for us to be able to be covered, and the more that this oyster went through the turmoil and the things of life. When you open up the oyster there's a beautiful pearl inside and you know the size of that pearl was the size of his distress. Yes, so if you have this beautiful pearl and then I found out that a pearl, when you wear a pearl necklace, it comes part of you. The oils within your skin start forming and protecting, you know, start protecting that beautiful pearl so it can be passed down from generation to generation. So your testimony God has covered you in your testimony so we can be passed down from generation to generation that we have been set free from the kingdom For the kingdom of God. We have been set free and it's our responsibility as women to tell our testimony. It is our responsibility not to be ashamed to what somebody did to me.
Speaker 2:I'm not ashamed of where I came from. That is their responsibility. They will be accountable and stand before God for what they have done to me. But I'm not ashamed anymore. I don't wear that as a banner anymore. I don't have to. I can wear as a banner that I've been at the foot of the cross and he has saved the wretched soul of my own, that he has saved me and he has set me free. And we have this difficulty within, even within the church building, that once we get saved, we want to take our testimony and lock it up in a box, right? No, let's open it up so that everybody around us want to have what we have. Yes, why don't what we have?
Speaker 1:Yes, why don't we do that? Yes, gracefield Community is an organization that focuses on the primary principles of the Church of Acts, centered around building communities that impact the kingdom of God. We do this through three core extensions. One, graceville Church Network, where we empower churches and nonprofits for God's success and growth. Success and growth we offer tailored growth strategies rooted in biblical principles that will help you expand your reach and impact your communities. Just like the early church, we focus not on attendance and numbers, but on discipleship, providing leadership teachings and trainings to today's ministry leaders. Our second extension is Project of the Grace Field, where we provide biblical counseling, mentorship, workshops and events that are dedicated to encouraging individuals to live a life filled with grace and purpose, rooted in the understanding that all have fallen short and are a working project. Let us help the individuals in your community grow as they walk with God and experience the fullness of his love. Our third extension is the grace-filled business. Grace-filled business is here to help small, faith-based business owners develop their business in a way that honors God, that brings increase and allows them to pour back into his kingdom, through marketplace ministry and financing his kingdom. We do this through our 15 years of experience of virtual administrative work, digital marketing, business development and consulting, and I feel like that's the thing like inside the church, and I'm going to talk about building big see big church as a whole, right Inside the church.
Speaker 1:I think that me being one that grew up in the church all my life as a child, I remember thinking why do we do this? Why do we go pretend to be one way but then have something else going on in the background? Why do we go? And yes, there is power and life and death in the tongue, but I first have to acknowledge a thing before I could take it to God. If I don't acknowledge what's happening inside of me, then a confession is not going to matter, because I need to be real, I need to be authentic.
Speaker 1:That's what I love about the book of Psalms and what David did is he was authentic to our father. He brought his true heart to him and we know the word says that David was a man after God's own heart. So that tells me that that's the relationship that God wants with us, right, and we can get into the whole schematics of like relationship versus religion, but I think that that's part of the reason and I appreciate the things that we were talking about before we even started recording. Because, as we are launching and doing this Grace Field Community Podcast like, this is the heart behind it. The heart is share the testimony. Share the testimony Like why are we keeping it in a box, the secret of the field that the Lord has brought us to right? Like my husband and I celebrated 20 years yesterday and you know, thank you, thank you.
Speaker 1:I am blessed to have three amazing teenagers and one daughter in heaven and I've come a long ways from, like you said, trauma, right, just all the trauma that has occurred. And I sit and say, you know, people look at today and they say, oh, this looks great, or I want this, I want a marriage like this, I want a family like this, I want to be a woman like this. But what about the trauma? What about the testimony? It talks about how God pulled me up out of the pits and brought me to where I was today. And not just like I have a testimony, just like you have a testimony. There's so many testimonies out there.
Speaker 1:But I will say you said something to me before the recording that really stood out and it was in this capacity of like you were saying, like it's not hard to it to discipleship, salvation, to the real reality that we have signed up to suffer with Christ. Right, absolutely. And so, in giving into that, I let her have a conversation of just like the aspects of the things that are not easy. Right, it's not easy for me to sit out here and put myself out here and put myself on a podcast and be susceptible to. Lord only knows what social media may say.
Speaker 1:Right, it's not easy to even share forth like this is who I used to be, but this is who I am today. Right, it's not easy to make sacrifices for the kingdom, but in it, that is the sacrifice, that is the suffering, with Christ. Right, praise the Lord that we're not in Paul's day, and you know, at this time, at least in America. Well, I'll say in America, right, where we're at risk for martyr and things of that sort. But there is a certain sacrifice that comes with the goodness that we receive.
Speaker 2:And it's really, you know, I was telling two things. I wanted to say is that you know, years ago, about maybe three years ago, my grandson wanted me to dress up like the Grinch. You know, I've never watched the movie and I still, to this day, have never watched the Grinch movie, but my grandson wanted me to dress up like the Grinch. So I was acting on what I thought the Grinch want. You know, I was supposed to act like the Grinch and I wrote and he wanted me to ride my bike. So we're riding the bike around the neighborhood, we're knocking on people's doors and the ring doorbells are catching us and saying, hey, there's somebody around here acting like the Grinch in the neighborhood. You know, look out for you know, whatever and it. And I think that sometimes, because God orders the steps of the righteous, and I think that some of the things that we go through in our lives, those are to prepare us for moments like this. So I believe that God gave me that story because I had no idea how to act like a Grinch, and here I am trying to act like a Grinch. Yes, you know, and we do that continually in our churches, we do that continually in our own lives, in our own faith, in our own stories. We don't want people to know the true identity of ourselves. So we dress up like other people and we talk like other people and we put the mask on like other people because we're afraid you're not going to accept who I am when I take the masks off. And I just believe the first thing that we need to do is that we need to take the masks off. We need to be vulnerable. Somebody asked me on one of the podcasts that I've been on, said what would you say your superpower is? And I said vulnerability, vulnerability is my superpower, because I choose to be vulnerable. So the person behind me can tell their story yes, and there's nothing left in the skeleton. There's nothing left in the closet that all the skeleton pieces and everything has been outside of the outside of my closet, so that when the enemy comes at me, I can say, yeah, I already told that story. When the enemy comes at me, I can say, yeah, I already told that story, yeah, I already. Yeah, people already know that there's nothing that I need to hide, you know, for people to see. And people can see my vulnerability. And so I had to take off that mask. I had to take off the costume that didn't belong to me. The mask didn't belong to me and I had to find out who I really was. I had to stand in the mirror and say God, who am I? What stories have I told myself that need to be set free, that they're not my story? Yes, and it's a starting point. Yes, and it's a starting point. We all are going to leave this earth with scars. Even Jesus left this earth with scars. Every single one of us have been caught in a story that we never wanted the story to happen.
Speaker 2:I had a pressure canner blow up on me when I was in 1992. So I had four of my daughters my youngest daughter was 18 months and we had a pressure canner. And what I was doing is that I was making spaghetti sauce and I was using the canner because it was the biggest canner in my it was the biggest pot that I had in my house. Well, that pressure canner turned the lid, decided to seal itself and turn into a canner and turn into a pressure. So my ex-husband had to take the pressure off and when he did, the spaghetti sauce exploded, you know, and so we spent. We spent 17 days in a burn unit and I had my breast burned and I had my arm burned and but there was some things that had to happen. You know, they, they would put you, they put me on like a metal, a metal table. They tied my hands, you know, to the sides and they gave, shot me up with morphine and they found out that I was allergic to it, but they started scrubbing.
Speaker 2:They started scrubbing and scrubbing and scrubbing because they had to get rid of the dead skin we have to get rid of the old me and put on the new me, and in order for the new skin to be able to grow, they had to scrub me, and it was one of the most painful things that I've ever been through in my life. You had to be scrubbed twice a day. You're tied up because they don't want you to kick and scream, and so I think that that's sometimes what people need to realize. That's what it is to be set free and to be healed.
Speaker 1:That's what it is to be peeled. Yes, I hear you talking about the, the skin, and I can't help but to think about the scripture that talks about the old wine right, the old wine.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you can't put new wine into an old wine skin. You can't do it.
Speaker 1:You can't do it. And so, as we talk about trauma, I think that that's the thing. Like you know, as individuals we can be attached. Even when we're trying to hide it, it's actually us still being attached to it because we haven't let it go. Because when we let something go, that thing no longer has power over us. Right, it can't be this banner, which the banner over us should be Christ's banner. Right, it can't be this banner over us. It can't be this cloud over us. It can't be this thing that we're holding on to, even the work that comes behind hiding it, it takes away from being able to be free in Christ, absolutely. And so even I think about the concept of Adam and Eve, and I'll give a shout out to my own church. We recently had our first conference, and I believe it was Pastor Abram Dupre, and he did a message and you didn't invite me to speak.
Speaker 1:I know man right, he did a great message on hide and seek and I think that that is the reality. Like he mentioned, we can't do both. So either we're hiding or we're seeking. And when we're trying to hide all these things of our past, when we're trying to hide all this trauma, we're trying to hide the very thing that should be bringing us into our points of testimony, right, Then we're not seeking him even in that thing because we're so busy trying to hide it. So then we can't heal from it. So we can give, like you said, we could give a list of all the steps. I could be like do this, do this, and I'm all for it. I could be like, do this, do this, and I'm all for it.
Speaker 1:I am one that, if anybody you know our listeners will get to know, anybody knows me, I'm all about therapy and theology. I believe they work hand in hand together. There are things that the Lord has provided for us to walk through, but we can give you all the steps of the process. But if you're not doing the spiritual thing absolutely, the vertical thing, it's just it's not going to work Right, Absolutely. And so what would you say? A question for you is. What would you say to that person who? Um cause, I definitely have been there. You're sitting in the place of. I have this trauma. I want to release this trauma, but I don't know how to do that with God how to do that with God.
Speaker 2:What would you say? That's where the Holy Spirit comes in, you know as our comforter. That's where you go to the beach, that's where you go to the water and you sit at the water and say Holy Spirit, what, what do you want to do for me and the Holy Spirit and that was like some of the best kind of counseling that I've ever done, and so you know that's my desire is that.
Speaker 2:I'm becoming a prayer coach you know, to be able to lead people into prayer, to lead them and I remember, you know I had a counselor. You know there's counselors that sit there and say, hey, write down three grateful things every single day. Hey, spend 10 minutes doing this, hey, pray this, when really the whole key is spend some time with the Holy Spirit.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:And he will bring you to a moment and in your life and he will show you the lie that you believe about the moment. Because trauma for us, trauma is a lot. Is was meant to produce lies in our lives. It was meant for us to be attached to a lie that we weren't significant, that I was invisible, that nobody wanted me, that I was somebody that carried those scars, so they took advantage of me. I was a naughty girl, so I deserved this. You know I was born and nobody wanted me when I was born. But when you go back and you ask the Holy Spirit, talk to me, talk to me and tell me where you were during this. Talk to me and tell me why I went through this. It's so, if any, I would tell people. People ask me you know, like some books, a book that really transformed me and changed me, you know when I was really seeing God, for, for the God of all knowing was the book the Shack. Did you ever read that book, the Shack?
Speaker 1:I did not read the book. I have not read the book Now. Did you watch the movie? I did see the movie.
Speaker 2:OK, so the movie and the book are like the exact same thing. It's the first movie that I've ever seen that they actually take, you know. But here this guy, you know here his wife, that is Abba. To her, that's Papa. And so he has to go and he has to go meet Papa and he has to go and he has to go through this whole thing of why did God do this, why did this happen? But if we can look at life from a bigger perspective, you know what he went through. His father went through what his father went through.
Speaker 2:You have to go back to generations and there was a scene in there that says there's the judgment scene. There was a woman in there. She was called judgment and she tells him tell me about your children. And so he goes and tells him, tells the judgment, all about his children and how much he loved them. Then judgment says I want you to pick one and damn them to hell, and I want you to pick one and have them be in heaven. He goes I can't do that. I can't do that. You want me to damn one of my children. And she looks at him and says that's what you're asking God to do. You're asking God and that was a realization for me.
Speaker 2:You know what happened to me was painful, what happened to me was hurtful. You know you took something from a four-year-old little girl that you didn't, that you didn't deserve and it wasn't yours to take, but you took it. But now I have to go on this journey and realize that it wasn't about me, it was had nothing to do with me. I just was the. I just was the victim in it. I had nothing to do with me. That person didn't even know that I existed, so to speak, and if they really did know how much I existed, then they would have never touched me as a little girl. Yes, but I had to go through the process of healing. I had to go through the process of that.
Speaker 2:Even though bad things happen to good people, god is still good, god is still merciful, god is still loving God. This had nothing. People are well if God. You know, if God's such a loving God, why did this happen? Because God is a loving God, because then, why wouldn't it happen to me? And what's so better about me that something like that wouldn't happen? But you know, what happened to me was able to transform me and to be the woman that I am today. There's nothing people say all the time. If you could change anything about your life, what would you change? Nothing. It's like the butterfly effect. Okay, if I say I wanted to change the fact that my grandfather molested me when I was four years old, well then there were other big consequences of something else that happened. The domino effect is something else. You know, it's called the butterfly effect. Right, I am who I am because of what I went through.
Speaker 1:Yes, you know there's a component that um, which I love again that this is our conversation, because I have my own personal definition for grace and this leads into what Graceville community is.
Speaker 1:But the way I see grace is being able to see someone through the eyes of God and recognize that what you are seeing today is a response from their past. Amen is a response from their past, amen. And what that means is not that their past is who they are, but there are things that happened in our past that shape how we respond today, whether it's a good response and healthy and wholeness, or whether it's a negative response because I'm still hurt and healing. But if I look at people in that eyes, when you scream at me for no apparent reason, when you do this to me, I recognize this isn't about me. There's something with you that has caused what I'm seeing today, and if I can love you in that, to have a love that says I want you to be with Christ because Christ can heal you and make you whole, and your response to me today is because you need a savior, then that allows me to love you, to forgive you and to give you the word for our Lord and savior.
Speaker 1:Absolutely so to me, that's what grace is and that's why I say grace filled, because it's really seeing people through the eyes of God, loving them, because all of us are his children, all of us bear his image. His word didn't say I created some in my image. It said I created.
Speaker 1:It said let us create them in our image and as he did right, and so we're all image bearers. Now, we may not all be reflecting the aspect of his image, but we are all image bearers. It's in there and so to me that is the component of what grace is. But I definitely love your answer because, as a person that sits with biblical counseling and does the, you know the therapy methods and carries this therapy and theology. The very main thing I tell people is, when you're seeking for a counselor, you're seeking someone to talk to. They should be pointing you right back to God.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:And I wanted to say too is that and that this is both for male and female you know, because we, because I came from a generation you know, when I first got saved and being in the church and things like that that we were told look at your husband as a seven year old little boy until you can look. You have to see him as a seven year old little boy before you can see him as the 27 year old man he is. But we were never told for women to do that. We were never told for a man to say look at your wife, at that four-year-old little girl. That has been hurting and she was taken advantage of in order for you to see her as a, as a woman today and as so.
Speaker 2:I'm hoping that the pendulum is, is is.
Speaker 2:You know, the pendulum is swinging because women need to be identified too, and I and I just hope and I pray, with all of these podcasts that are starting by women and things like that, that the church is now seeing the component that we are to the kingdom of God, the component that we are to the healing process and how Christ sees us.
Speaker 2:You know, when people look through scripture, I just I'm writing a book that's coming out in July called the God who Sees, and it's all. It's about 29 different women within the Bible and I made in them relatable today, to show women that God has a plan and a purpose for us from the foundations of time and that he has brought women within the word of God to give women lessons and for us to understand how he looks at us and that man can now begin to start understanding. Oh, my goodness, god looks at her as royalty. God looks at her as value. God looks at her you know this way and this way, and not just how he looks at man and I, and my prayer is that the pendulum is is is swinging, you know, towards the healing for both and and towards the healing of man, to also know how much God loves his daughters.
Speaker 1:Right, yes, yes, oh yes, I love this. Thank you so much. I am loving all things about this conversation. So there's a question that I intend to ask all of our guests, and so this is a pop-up quiz type. No, oh no.
Speaker 2:So you only want one word answers, if you got one word answers. You've got the wrong person.
Speaker 1:Well, listen, no, this is definitely not one word. I'm like nothing about me is one word either. So we're good, you know, one of the things is that I believe that in every part of seasons that I've had in life, I mean, our listeners will definitely get to know more. But even as you talked about experiencing things that you wouldn't change, and so, for my own, the one that stands out even greater than all others is the loss of our first daughter, and so, with that, that is an experience that I would not wish upon. I don't have any enemies, and if I did, I really I wouldn't wish it upon anyone, right? It is a very traumatic experience, and especially in the mannerism in which all occurred.
Speaker 1:Yet I say, through it, I would not be the person I am today. I wouldn't understand the love that God had for us when he gave his son. Knowing all the sins, all the things that I would do, the times I would turn away from him, the times that I would go against his name, knowing all of those he still gave his son, I also wouldn't understand grace. I wouldn't understand what it is to love. I wouldn't understand what it is to have empathy for someone in circumstances that you know nothing of Right. And so there's so many lessons that have come from that that has shaped who I am today, lessons that have come from that that has shaped who I am today.
Speaker 1:Every birthday of hers I celebrate, because I know I would not be the woman I am today if I had not gone through that experience, while in that there are so many seasons where there is a scripture, there is a verse that I'm holding on to that really speak to me in various seasons, and so I tend to believe that each person has a verse that stands out to them in whatever season they're in. And so I tend to believe that each person has a verse that stands out to them in whatever season they're in. And so I just want to ask you, like, what is a verse that stands out to you and why?
Speaker 2:Well, I wanted to. I wanted to have condolence for you. I lost a grandson, you know, hours after he was born and what a devastation, you know. And he was named Isaac, and so I was mad at God for a while of you know. Hey God, we, they named him Isaac. You gave Abraham a Ram. Why didn't you give my daughter, my daughter in love, and my son a Ram? And there was some really tough times and they didn't survive as a married couple.
Speaker 2:They both were 19 years old and didn't survive and I do still have a relationship with my daughter-in-law because there was that connection and I'm not somebody that really likes going to a grave site. I want to be cremated because I don't want my children to ever have to think that they got to go to a grave site and stop oh right.
Speaker 2:Stop at mom's house. You know stuff like that. Yes, but it has helped me that they have a grave site for my grandson, isaac, because I do go there whenever I go back home to Buffalo and he would have been five years old this year on last year, you know he was. He died on St Patrick's Day. I was in Central Park when my son gave you know, gave me this text message that said Isaac will be the lucky one today as he will be in the arms of Jesus. But when I go back, I you know like last year I bought a bicycle because he would have been fine, and so I left a bicycle at his, at his grave, and I left a letter and said hey, my grandson would have been fine today, and usually five-year-olds get their first bite, and so whoever picks this up, I just want you to know that. Use it as a memory of my grandson.
Speaker 2:I've left barn animals because his mother was a farmer, lived on a farm, and I sang at the top of my lungs you know, farmer in the dowel and stuff sitting there.
Speaker 2:The last time that I was there I just brought a blanket and some tidbits Tim Horton's tidbits and coffee and I just sat and had a conversation with him and and I, just what helps me is I just imagine and I pictured in my head that my grandson Isaac is running to all noah and abraham and moses and saying nana's here today, nana's here.
Speaker 2:You know, look what nana brought me, and it, whether it's true or not, it just because he can be part of the great cloud of witnesses, and it has helped me so much to be able to sit there and picture my grandson running around heaven and saying she bought, bought me a bike, she bought me a brother, you know, going to Timothy and say you know, uncle Timothy, my Nana bought me a bike. So you know, that has helped me so tremendously to bring, because I wasn't able to be his Nana and I have 13 grandchildren and I never had that opportunity, you know, to be his Nana. And so when I take those special moments at his grave and to be his Nana for a moment, it just blesses my heart. And so, however people grieve, I want them to grieve Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and I actually want to pause right there. First, because you said the words Isaac and let me tell you so, our first daughter, her name is Iani. And let me tell you so, our first daughter, her name is Ayani. And after she passed, I can tell you that part of our marriage ministry comes through a sense of knowing we fought the battle of having to recover. We fought the battle of we have a history of the battle of having to recover after losing a child. You know, there's things and circumstances that say really poor in a marriage, so lots of a child is one, and then having multiples, and we did that too.
Speaker 1:So we, we had Iani when she passed, shortly after we got pregnant, and my oldest son, his name is Isaac, and when I named him I really felt like, okay, you know, isaac, laughter, promised child. I'm like Lord and I will tell you, I was in this place where I don't know how I feel about you, God. We were youth pastors and I was very angry when our daughter passed and I just knew that it was Isaac, that he was going to be the one to give me laughter and he was going to be my promised child, and so, um, I'm, I love all of my children. We also had twins afterwards, ivory and ayani. I'm sorry, ivory and ivan and so um, but isaac definitely. When he said that name, I said that that was my joy. He became my joy and led me into getting back into a place of being authentic with the Lord and so that is so awesome.
Speaker 2:I have identical twin boys.
Speaker 1:Yes, I love it. Okay, we're going to have to definitely do a total another episode.
Speaker 2:I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you, not to harm you and to give hope for your future that God has ordered the steps of the righteous. He has ordered my steps and some of my steps has been in quicksand, some of my steps have been in the pit, some of my steps have been on the, on the valley, and some of my steps have been on the mountaintop, climbing, you know. But he orders those steps and there were some things there, there could be some things that, if I have a conversation with God, I would say you know, did we really have to go there? Did we really have to go that deep? Did we really have to go into that big pit? And you had to try to get my leg out of there? But I wouldn't be and we wouldn't be who we are today if God didn't take hold of us and to show us and to and to woo us. You know, to him. And we wouldn't be who we are today if we weren't women that grabbed hold of the hem of his garment and that we hung on for dear life.
Speaker 2:People ask me why didn't you ever give up, bambi? And I'd say where would I go? I gave up on some things in my life. You know some things that I gave up on, but I never gave up on God. I just knew, like, where was I going to go, and I just knew that he was my mediator. I knew that he went to God Every time I prayed. I knew that Jesus went up to the heavens, up to the throne, and said hey God Bambi said it again what are we going to do? How are we going to?
Speaker 1:answer this.
Speaker 2:And there was going to be, you know, but as he did that and he climbed down the mountain and I'd be, you know, praying again and go back up, and there are suddenly moments, there are suddenly moments in your life that when you finally have had that, I feel like we have cried all the tears that we can. We have our if our pillows could talk. You know the stories of pillows could say. And then there's a suddenly in our lives there's a suddenly that woman with the issue of blood.
Speaker 2:she had 12 years being set apart, being made fun of, being put away and she had her suddenly moment. The woman at the well, six husbands, five husbands, and the one that she's with isn't her husband.
Speaker 2:She had that suddenly moment you know, at the well, you know the woman Mary, the one that washed Jesus' feet, you know. She comes into the room and everybody knew who she was and she bowed her, her head before the Lord, and she dumped that alabaster box. And that alabaster oil had to have been. Somebody either gave it to her for her payment, you know, or somebody shoved it to her and said here, just take this. But she had her one moment. She had her suddenly, moment that Jesus tells us that she will always be remembered.
Speaker 2:God has not forgotten us as women. He has not forgotten us and he has Jesus being our mediator and he is constantly sending him up to the throne room on our behalf. There are suddenly moments that are going to be there for women. There is a suddenly moment that they're going to be able to see that God had it all worked out. And, yeah, we're going to have some scars, and those scars are okay because they tell our story.
Speaker 1:Right, yes, yes, you know. There's just one aspect that, as we were preparing to go, I said I have to mention this. You talked about being that kid on the bus where the church would come by and pick, you know, the kids up that their parents are just like. Get out Right. Like, but the power of community. I mean, I think about so many instances in my life where God used community to bring me closer, to draw me in, to give me protection.
Speaker 1:When you talked about the cop going to the pastor and then you having a place to go to like the power of community. And so I always like to encourage our listeners if you don't have community, if you're seeking for community, contact us wherever you are. We are here to help you find community. We were not meant to do this life alone, no, and so there is an immense power in the way God created for us to have each other and have community. Bambi, I want to thank you again so much for joining us on Grace Field Community Podcast today and before we go, I know that you have two books, a book coming out and so much more going on, so please just take a moment to tell our listeners how they can get your books, how we can connect with you. We will definitely put all your socials and so forth in the podcast show notes below, but please just let us know.
Speaker 2:Well, my, I would love for you to go on to healingthroughstoriescom, which is my website, because there is healing through your stories and it's healingthroughstoriescom, and it's all one word. You can go to my website. I have my books that are for sale on them. This is my book the Journey of Josephine. This is my story on how God took a broken little girl and used a rag towel that knew my secrets and was my security blanket, and she took me on a journey of little girl that has been transformed in who I am today. I believe this book is.
Speaker 2:When I wrote this book and I got it in the mail for the first time and I read it all the way through, I'm like God, I'm not this woman anymore, but now I'm on the search for this woman. I'm on the search for this girl so that she can be have the bravery and the courage to be able to tell her story. So this is the healing. This is journey from the journey for my oh, my goodness, the journey of Josephine. This is the treasures of my heart, because in the midst of every storm there's a treasure. In the midst of every storm there's a pearl that's being developed and being set apart for you. So these are stories that I wrote about times in my life when I was in the storm and how God gave me something to be able to survive the storm.
Speaker 2:I also do sell t-shirts that say my story, your first aid kit, and you can go on my website and purchase anything. And right now there is a pop-up that if you go on my website, purchase anything, you, your order is 10% off. You just have to use the code. So please go and subscribe and go and purchase my book and use it for the kingdom of God.
Speaker 1:Yes, I love that. I love that. My story is what is it? My story is your first date.
Speaker 2:My story is your first date, Kit.
Speaker 1:Oh, yes, I love that. Okay, I'm definitely going on the site. I'm definitely grabbing that shirt. Yes, please, definitely subscribe.
Speaker 2:And I write a blog every week that you once you are on my subscribe to my website. There's a blog that's being sent, and I also have other women write their stories.
Speaker 1:And if they even wanted to be anonymous?
Speaker 2:it doesn't matter, but if they wanted to write their story to encourage my readers and my subscribers. But yeah, go on. And there is a pop-up. Use that pop-up and get 10% off your order.
Speaker 1:Awesome, awesome. Well, listeners, you know how to stay in contact with Bambi. Thank you so much for tuning in. Our prayer and hope is that through our stories, through our testimony, that you find yourself getting closer and closer to our Lord and Savior, jesus Christ. We pray all the best for you. Blessings your way. Thank you for tuning in to today's episode of Graceville Community Podcast. We would like to invite you to visit gracevillecommunitycom.
Speaker 1:Graceville Community is all about doing church the way Church of Acts did, using five main principles that we see in the Book of Acts Sharing resources, as believers pooled their possessions and resources to support those in need, as we see in Acts 2 44. Through hospitality the early Christians practice hospitality by opening their homes to others, as we see in Acts 2 and 46. By financial aid the church in Antioch sent financial aid to believers in Judea during a time of famine, as described in Acts 11 and 29. Prayer and encouragement they supported each other through prayer and encouragement, as we see in Acts 4 and 24. And finally, spiritual guidance 4 and 24. And finally, spiritual guidance the apostles and elders provided spiritual guidance and teaching to help strengthen and build the community, as we see in Acts 15 30. I would like to encourage you. If any of those areas are areas in which you are in need or can contribute, please reach out to Graceville Community. We are working together across the world with ministries and individuals unlike to help bring back the Church of Acts.
